Filled To The Brim
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: James is full of guilt, but maybe he can move forward, if only given the chance. Rated for language.


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.**

 **Challenges at the bottom.**

 **Word Count - 1484**

* * *

 **Filled To The Brim**

* * *

James smiled to the people he recognised as he walked down Diagon Alley, nodding his head to the shopkeepers that waved to him. It was early on a Sunday morning, and there weren't many people out shopping yet, so he wasn't hindered by the jostling and pushing that would happen on any typical weekday.

Checking around him with a subtle shift of his eyes, he slipped into Knockturn Alley, his hand entering his pocket to rest warily on his wand.

He might be an Auror, but he wasn't stupid enough to believe that those who dwelled in this particular Alley cared about that at all.

His eyes drifted over the various homeless people sleeping rough in the crooks and crannies. His eyes lit on one at the end of the Alley, and he pulled a coin from his pocket, flipping it in the air before he threw it to the ragged man.

"Have a nice day, sir," he murmured, before he Apparated away.

…

"How'd you know it was me?"

James scoffed. "As if I wouldn't recognise you; even in a sea of a million faces, Regulus, you've never been invisible to me."

"Why here?" Regulus asked, looking around the old shack. Once upon a time, the Shrieking Shack had held good memories for him. He shifted, his torn robes heavy with caked mud and grime. "Why now?"

"Don't you know that if you'd come to me, I'd have helped you immediately? Things could've been different. You didn't have to fall so far."

Regulus looked away from the sad look in James eyes.

"There's fresh clothes over there. Get changed."

Regulus blinked. "Why?"

Sighing, James rubbed his temple. "Why does everything have to be a struggle. Will you please just get changed?"

…

The hotel room was white. That was all Regulus could really say for it. White walls, white bedding, no decoration.

Anonymous.

He supposed it was fitting.

James had left him there three days ago, begging him not to leave as he himself walked out of the door.

Regulus was ready to climb the walls. He didn't like feeling so contained, so boxed in.

Being on the streets was hard, the constant fear that he'd be discovered even harder, but at least he'd been free.

"You look better."

Regulus jumped, swirling around to see James watching him with an unreadable look in his eyes.

"We're going to get you away from here, abroad somewhere, where you'll be safe."

"How do you even know -"

James cut him off, shaking his head. "There's a lot I know that I probably shouldn't," he replied, making Regulus scowl.

"You always were good at non-answers."

"Now really isn't the time to argue with me. We have to leave in about twenty five minutes."

"Getting me out of the country will be impossible," Regulus scoffed. "Why bother even trying? Just lock me up."

"Nothing is impossible -"

Regulus growled his frustration. "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. I sit and look at the walls, and before that, I sat and stared at brick."

"You're surviving, aren't you?"

"Is it worth it?"

"I want to save you. I have to hold onto the belief that it wasn't all for nothing, that you didn't almost die for nothing. That's all there is to it, Regulus. If you don't let me… well, I guess that's on you."

"Do you ever take responsibility for anything?!"

"Of course I do," James shouted, losing his temper. "I take responsibility for the fact that my wife and child are dead while I'm still alive! I take responsibility for the fact that my best friend is in Azkaban, because Barty fucking Crouch decided my testimony couldn't be fucking trusted! I take responsibility that you went to Voldemort in the first place because I couldn't give you what you needed, and I take responsibility for you're almost dying trying to kill Voldemort, because I put the thought in your mind in the first place.

"Are you happy, Regulus? Are you happy to know that I'm so full to the brim of regret, that I don't have room for anything else?"

Regulus stepped across the room, gripping James' arm with his hand. He was sure if there weren't robes in the way, he'd be able to see the skin paling beneath his grip.

"Come with me."

"I can't."

"Come with me."

"Regulus."

"Please, James. Don't send me out there alone again. I might be safe from his followers, but I won't be safe from the loneliness, from my own mind."

James shook his head. "I'm working on freeing Sirius. He deserves more than for me to skip out on him while he rots behind bars for something he didn't do."

Dropping his hand, Regulus met James' eyes. "And me? What do I deserve?"

"You deserve someone who can love you wholly and fully, Reg. That… that isn't me. Not now. Not yet."

"But one day?"

"Perhaps."

…

Regulus pottered around the small flat James' had had set up for him, going about his daily routine. Trotting down to the mail keep, not expecting to find anything but hopeful anyway, he was surprised to see a letter in his pigeonhole.

He waited only as long as it took him to get back up the stairs to open the letter, and, standing by the window, he read it twice over.

 _Dear Regulus,_

 _I told myself I wasn't going to write this letter, even after James told me that you'd forsaken Voldemort in the end. I swore, when you took the mark, that I was done with you. And yet… and yet I can't help but think about you and wonder how you are._

 _So, I'm reaching out. I'll understand if you don't want anything to do with me. I did disown you pretty publicly and… well. I'm not sure I could forgive that if it was reversed, and hey, it was me in the end, that landed in a prison cell._

 _Obviously since you're reading this letter you know that James got me out. He was… a sight to be seen, Regulus. Really. If I wasn't so in love with Remus, I'd have fallen in love with him on the spot. He should've been a lawyer, because he schooled the entire Wizengamot._

 _And…_

 _Dammit, Reg. I'm writing about all this shit that you probably don't care about and dancing around the issue, the reason I decided to put my pride on the shelf and write to you. James needs you._

 _Now that his cause, both of us I suppose, is done, he's falling apart at the seams and i don't know how to fix him. Or make him feel better. Or… I can't help him, but I know you can. I feel horrible writing this, but it isn't Lily he misses. I mean, he does miss her, but… Merlin I'm not doing a good job of explaining this._

 _James married Lily because it was what was expected of him. You know that and I know that. Every Pureblood knows that._

 _Find a wife, birth a son. It's the first thing we learn._

 _And he loved Lily he did. He was gentle and sweet with her, and it was sickening in a romantic kind of way._

 _But he was never with her the way he was with you. With you he could be himself. Even I saw that from where I stood, shouting and screaming that he should stay the hell away from you. He needs that. He needs someone to challenge him to fight and someone that brings_ him _out._

 _So, I'm sending him to you. I don't know if he'll come willingly or if I'll have to trick him into it, but by the time you read this letter, James will be on his way to you, and I need you to look after him. I know I shouldn't ask you for any favours, but I am because I don't know what else to do._

 _And. Well. Write back. If you want to._

 _Sirius_

"You really should be more aware of your surroundings. I could've been anyone."

Regulus turned around slowly to see James standing by the door, a suitcase by his feet.

"You're here."

James' lips quirked. "I'm not a mirage, if that's what you're asking."

Rolling his eyes, Regulus tilted his head curiously.

"Why are you here?"

"Sirius sent me. Said he was done with my moping."

Regulus nodded. "So why are you really here."

The half smile turned into a full smile and James took a few steps forward. "Because it's been a _really_ long time since I've kissed you. And… I think it's past time that I admit that I want to do it again. Over and over and -"

Regulus pressed their lips together firmly, silencing the man he loved and turning both of their long denied dreams into a reality.

* * *

 **Written for;**

 **Disney Quote 5** \- "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing everyday."

 **Book Club** \- Shadow Moon - Coin / Belief / Hotel

 **Auction** \- "Things could have been different. You didn't have to fall so far."


End file.
